It had gone into my mind. It ran through my veins and soul, like a drug. My heart beat faster, like an addict. I could do anything, and as soon as it was out I started dancing until my heart stopped beating.
My mother and my friends all cheered me on. My father, who was the only one who could see that everything was a dream, sat quietly in his chair for a long time. I was young, and as far as he knew I had no memory of what went on in that library. All I knew was that everything had been so real.
I was afraid that if I said anything too loud, my father would kick me out. My mother was too busy crying to care. I could hear the sounds running through her. She just stopped for a second and wiped her eyes. She was just as happy and proud as I was. Then she said, “Honey, that’s a crazy story…” She hugged me firmly. “But there is no way you were hallucinating that day!”
I smiled at her and hugged her tighter. I told my mother everything: that I had never seen the man with the white face and curly hair, that I had never kissed the girl I had found in the library, that I did not remember anything of the events that happened in that room. Her face lit up like a schoolboy when I told her that.
She kissed me again and smiled, but I did not feel happy. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll walk you home, and I will make you breakfast. There is a lot to eat.”
I thought about what she was saying and thought about what she did for me. She never once thought that I didn’t see the man with the white face and curly hair. She never once took me away, never once told me that maybe my dreams were true.
My stomach growled at those words. I wondered what was going on in that library. I imagined what had happened on the day I had found the boy with light brown hair, or what happened a few hours later. And I had to imagine things that I couldn’t imagine. My entire life was a lie to myself, not to others.
I had never dreamt about those events like this before. How could I have known to be afraid of something that I had never imagined? What if this man had come to me and pulled me down onto the dark bed that I had been lying on that night
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